Free

Lay next to me

And hold me close

Place your palm on my heart.

Feel my life play for you

In Tribal beats,

Unfettered, unrestrained dance,

Khemetic chants and soulful scats

Running marathons through deep veins.

Reach my crown

Redeeming my throaty blues

So that I may speak freely,

Ask if I may allow you to behold my heart,

Feel the universal kinship

That we share in moments beyond this.

Pursue this enduring synergy we perpetuate

Forthcoming and organic

Altruistic

Honest

Offering up harmonious melodies,

Your heart beats my soul’s performance.

Narcissism and Nostalgia

Tonight, my neighors were engaging in some pre bedtime intercourse, keeping me from acquiring rest as i was attempting to take it. i decided to google myself.  My old college address & phone number showed up as well as my old myspace page. how interesting it was when i found this gem: 

"Wow. I just got done trying to teach Kwasi how to play speed. I can't believe he didn't even play speed in high school.   The games these kids (and adults) play up here are so different. They play dominos not to count but to "go out." They don't play gin to count points, but to get out the fastest, and they don't play SPEED in high school? What kind of business is going on in Yankeeville?   But while teaching him the game, it just brought back a flood of memories of Magill's debate class, Mrs. Hof-whatzherface's math class, Mr. Bolger's math class, debate tournaments where there was no excuse as to why a day would pass when you WOULDN'T play speed.   I had forgotten how i used to be able to stack a whole five cards at a time and win in like no time flat! And how the people I used to play with got sooo good we used to play with two decks of cards. I had also forgotten that i was such a nerd, i always had a deck of cards in my backpack for just the purpose of a game of speed (or spades) and how i had used that deck till the box had fallen apart and i took some masking tape in Magill's room and taped it up and colored it... WOW. such memories. Reminds me of how much a nerd I was (and still am)...   But I used to love speed. It was a game of chance, talent, and such a game for bonding. I know many of my friends on here were made during Magill's class or some other class when I wasn't doing very much and had time to play several many hands of Speed.     I even taught my brother how to play when he was a little tike... I wonder if he remembers. I'll have to ask him.   I can't believe this loser here next to me never played speed (the right way with cards face down) and got frustrated when i taught him how to really play. OH well, like they say, DAMN these YANKS.   Anyway. Just remembering... Night y'all."

Reality at all is that Reality is What it is or What We Think it is

I’m sitting here watching SATC after having a monologue with my most recent manifestation in the shower, all playing out internally, an allusion of sorts.

The conversation stemmed from the overwhelming undercurrent of thoughts that I just want to be rescued; rescued from myself. The idea of being rescued by love, whimsical, fanciful, silly and overwhelmingly romantic love just seems so romantic in itself. Silly at this age, but romantic nonetheless. Take me away. Take me somewhere where love is like breathing. I don’t care where we go, long as I’m there with you.

But back to the imaginary conversation with the man. He once called himself Captain Save a Hoe. Despite my prior life having tendencies, my immediate response, “Thank God I’m not a hoe.” But anyway, we have known each other for long enough at this point. I have been privy to the lot of his sex-capades. We did a momentary thing, hence the conversation occurring in my mind. After mulling over things, I can only be his friend. I’d like to like him, but he’s dangerous. I can handle friend zone, but not friends with benefits, and at this point, not lover. There is not much I can offer of myself that I wouldn't want protected or given away freely. I can give care and concern as a friend, but I can’t play lover or part time or in between time, and even though I can look past promiscuity, the reality is that stepping out on someone you really love, then it can be done while with me. Not into finding out that I've given myself and the flip side with the emotions associated with infidelity.

 

But before I go deep end into my emotions and thoughts about this, I should find out if it’s warranted. Lol. I’m so in my brain, reality of the situation at hand sometimes doesn't really come to me until after it’s too late.

Randomocity in 3................2.......................1.........................:

Standards.

It’s been the hot word of the weekend. I've been asking myself what are my relationship standards? What do I determine as being important to set out the tone of relationships? I have been single so long, and not really into the game of dating, that I don’t know. I don’t really have rules, and have determined that might be the reason that I am still single. LOL!

I’d love to know, so I’m going to think about it as I create this magnificent meal of jambalaya stuffed chicken with sour cream and chive potatoes, dirty rice and spinach.

Growing up with ADHD

I had a heart to heart conversation with a friend of mine today. I have entered into a new relationship of sorts, or at least that is the intention. Any loyal follower of me on twitter and those who know me off the interwebs have a DEEP knowledge that I have ADHD, and know that I am an advocate for knowledge and research as well as dispelling the myths of ADHD.

With all that being said, I am at a cross roads- let me preface this post by disclosing I have been drug free for almost 3 weeks, probably close to a month. I am not too sure where my head space is because I'm coming off an argument that was baseless... in regards to dishes, and in all honesty, prompted me to sit down and contemplate the idea of what does ADHD do to those of us who are living with the condition as adults.

Growing up with this, I've had the fortune of meeting some really understanding friends... but it has proven a damn difficult task when meeting new people, especially those who I choose to become intimate with.

At this point, it sometimes seems like an unbearable task to ask someone to deal with, but because I can't foresee myself waking up one day without the impulsiveness, without the lack of focus, without the childish ways it brings, without popping a pill to control the neurons and bridge the synapses, without overdosing on caffeine, sugar, and endorphins, etc.

Pause for the cause................................ the tears flowing down my face are uuber distracting.




P

A

U

S

E





I initially stated out this post with the intention on writing about relationships, new relationships, intimate relationships, and those partners choosing to deal with the ADHD symptoms, complications, and frustrations. I have gone off the farm about it, but maybe I just needed to release the frustrations I am going through right now...

Maybe after the tears dry I can focus enough to say what I really am intending to... just right now, I am hurting, feeling as though I'm trapped my shortcomings and trapped by my feelings of being out of control of my own actions and reactions.

But, as I said, I shall revisit this whence I get it together.


while i wait, here are some twitter resources:

‏@adhdfacts

@ADHDAnswered

@ADHDAWARE

No Church in the Wild Official Video



we know my affinity for all things Kanye. He can do no wrong... welp, except for Kim K... but irregardless, here's the new joint that will once again be stuck in my head. 

Before & After: The makings of the blonde bombshell

It's been forever since I've done ANYTHING to my hair. My girlfriend & I took a girl's day & colored it (I had about 4 or 5 inches of roots). It was an interesting thing, that color. Lisa had always colored my natural hair. I had not. It was a startup of accidents. I spilled the color, couldnt find my developer, didn't use enough bleach... It became humorous.

But after two boxes of dark & lovely blonde & two applications of kaleidoscope, we were finally done with the color.

Then, came time for the actual hair itself. It took my girlfriend 10 short hours & I love my kinky twists.

Now, my hair is workshop & vacation ready.

To get my color:
Dark & lovely honey blonde & light blonde. Kaleidoscope bleach & ms clairol 20 point developer on the crown.

I was in the midst of typing a new post, and I accidentally hit the back button.

UGH!

I was just saying I know I have been non existent in the last several months, but I'm still here. LOL. Life has thrown me some curve balls and I've been dodging them mufuggers for the last 10 months.

But, just in an update, I am not at my restaurant, but I am seeing a chef. I am not in the studio, but I have tracks that I'm working on. I am not big on the natural hair scene, but i'm still rocking my fro.

I am so ready for the summer. I've been contemplating returning to the randomocity; I just couldn't figure out my approach... Well here it is, as I'm sitting in the computer lab at the school, babysitting 8th grade students who couldn't manage to get their ish together to participate in the 8th grade field trip to a local university. LOL! I was a bit understimulated, and in looking for something to do, I decided to post.

I'll be back very soon. Hopefully, my niche of followers still comes around to check. I do in fact miss y'all. I've just been busy playing dodgeball.


Randomly: I'M LOVING THE HELL OUT OF GOOGLE'S HOMEPAGE TODAY!!!