There was so much in her mind that manifested in her heart. Getting choked up, she didn't know where to start. Holding back the tears, she started to talk, voice trembling, she gathered her thoughts. The stream of words began with a slow start, those powerful words she had stored down deep in her heart. Steadily, the words continued faster, the emotions she felt, they weren't getting past her. She felt everything that was meant within her words. All she was giving, truthful and hers. A rush of thoughts, a stream of consciousness, her words vomited right onto his chest. Flicks of flying onto her legs. Not penetrating his heart, he let out a muffled hmm, with more of her emotions and words still to come. She anticipated a heart to heart; she had in fact opened up hers and was wanting the vulnerability, the clarity... she wanted reciprocity. Instead of exposing both of their deep thoughts clarified, she had actually just had a heart to mind. Her words, though from a place of emotional exposure and eruption, didn't penetrate his heart, but did in fact give way to his deeper thoughts. Not realizing the spewed words that hit his chest were honest and artful and beautiful in their own truth, he disconnected, and left the chat room.
I remember making breakfast in the morning on Saturday for and with him. I remember sunny end-of-the-summer days seeing him shine from the heavens as we'd wait for c to get off the school bus. I remember him bundled in his blue uniform on the sofa as he slept, sun kissing his face, resting before heading out for third shift.
I remember skittle vodka with him. I remember walks around the complex in the late evenings. I remember not being enough.
I remember the time I farted as he was performing oral and him looking at me with shame but slowly exiting the area and enjoying me elsewhere.
I remember our first date. I remember it was to taqueria arandas at 1 o'clock in the morning. I remember going to cheddars first but them being closed. I remember we talked for hours. I remember him taking me to valero and it being the first time I really saw him. I remember staring at him and him being so damn sexy that I asked myself who he was. I remember my reaction when I realized the man I was staring at and coveting was him. I remember since then, I haven't looked at him the same. I remember he bought me gas and put it in my car on the way home. I realize from then I wanted him.
I remember the first time we made love. I definitely remember he asked to shower after getting off from work. I remember being in the bed, listening, watching through the mirror in the adjacent bathroom. I remember him saying, "you think it's the first time someone said something about liking my lips?" I remember the towel he tightened around his waist after he exited the tub.
I remember how he would touch and kiss my back. I remember he's the only one who has ever and the one who showed me my back is as sensual as it is.
I remember he was always quietly confident with me. Even inside me, I remember him humming "mmm hmm" as he laid stroke after stroke.
I remember him telling me that his raw dick was addictive, hence him continuing to use condoms. I remember it being addictive.
I only remember sunny days and nights with him. I remember the Halloween party and the long drive back. I remember I was drunk and I hated how my hair looked. I remember his costume and how the shirt didn't fit right. I remember how handsome he looked with his shades on and how proud I was as I held onto his arm as while he walked confidently into the room, head held high.
I remember some of what caused us to fall apart. I remember a letter. I remember the time he came up to my school to get the keys to my place so he could rest. I remember it was one of the last times I was with him. I remember the last time. I remember we put together a bookshelf and at the very end realizing that we put the bottom shelf upside down. I remember him asking me if I wanted to fix it and me telling him no. I look at that bookshelf every day and remember I was falling in love.
I remember he wasn't.
He politely asked, "may I come enjoy your company tonight?"
He chose to rest himself in the peace here. It wasn't a matter of escaping, a place to run away from the chaos. It was a place of solace for him, a place where his terrors were laid to rest in the comfort of the spaces here. He found his peace in my presence saying his monsters played well with mine, but my monsters always quieted his, and he enjoyed that quiet. He enjoyed that peace. Tonight, he was needing that sense of harmony and balance restored.
Here he didn't have to be anyone. There were no presuppositions in this place. This vast encompassing dark space of life's complications were filled with enough sparkle to light the sky that he saw when he was here.
There will never be anything more gratifying with him than knowing I am my King's place of peace.
In that time and place, making love isn't done in the dark. He respectfully leaves a single light on, silently gazes deeply into my eyes right before he leans in to kiss my lips. Each stroke is methodical. He enjoys taking in my breaths of passions, watching various places of effect, like the flex of my calf, the curl of my toes, or the tremor in my right bicep. He places his hands in mine and draws me near, inadvertantly penetrating deeper, calming me while simultaneously stirring a more unctuous arousal. A kiss to his forehead, a quick erotic impetuous gnaw to his shoulder, an impending orgasm is on the horizon. He releases himself, his hope, his passion, his desire, his fear, his complication, his lust, his past, his savage he says, and comes into the present state of being where the being of us is his comfort.
The cathartic emptying leaves room for the positive to enter and refill the pockets of space. He draws me close to his dewy skin, again hand in hand, wraps himself around me and inhales the positive we've perpetuated, refueling his tranquility and harmony.
3/4 C butter, softened
3/4 C white sugar
3/4 C packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 3/4 cups rolled oats, I used instant.
1 C craisins (any flavor, but strawberry would be best)
3/4 C white chocolate chips
8 fresh strawberries
1/2 C chopped pecans
Directions Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
In a small bowl, whisk your eggs until the yolks are runny, this will help make lighter cookies.
Process your strawberries in a food chopper or a food processor.
In large bowl, cream together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Make sure the mix is not grainy.
Add the eggs and vanilla, beat until super fluffy.
Gradually, stir the flour, adding the baking soda, cinnamon, and salt into butter mixture.
Gradually add in oats, craisins, white chocolate chips, strawberries, and pecans.
Drop by teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets. Bake 12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool slightly, remove from sheet to wire rack. Cool completely.
Yields approximately 4 dozen gems of sheer goodness!